Depression: A real illness.

I never envisiged this blog becoming an insight into my mind and problems, i wanted it to document my career, to give advice and to share my experience as i know i am so so lucky to do what i love.

I think the title says it all really, depression is a real illness and i am starting to realise that now. Every day i learn more and more about myself and now i realise that this illness has a huge grip on me and it is simply inexcusable the stigma that it is. The human brain is the most complex and amazing organ that we know of and it makes complete biological sense that it can become ill and distorted. It is something we must take notice of, especially due to how stressful and hectic our lives are becoming.

The realisation that hit me today is that this illness is destroying me bit by bit, taking who i am piece by piece and covering everything in uncertainity, negativity and just general rubbishness (i know that is not a real word). It seems to be taking my life away and everything good within it, which has already included the girl that i love, which breaks my heart.
So the line is drawn here, i need to draw the line here, as i scared what might happen otherwise. It is time to go on anti-depressants and to completely stand up to this battle. It feels as if my life is kind of on hold for this, which sucks. Another thing i am going to do is everyday on twitter is to start the day by saying something positive about the day ahead.

I have a huge passion and desire to become a successful wildlife film-maker and educator, to work for the BBC NHU one day and take over from the great naturalists generals that are Packham and Attenborough (amongst others). That is what i want to do, but at the moment it cannot be my priority as i need to be my priority.

This evening i went for run and promised myself that i would get through this, i also promised every mammal, fish, bird, bug, creepy-crawly and living creature out there who i want to fight for that i will do it for them as well, which gave me strength.

I also hope that this blog is helping other people out there who are going through the same battle as me. It is helping me.

SLQ