This is Who I am...

Hey all,

Are you ready for this one?...

I was not planning to write a piece on my blog for a while but I have been challenged by my life coach to write something about who I am, so this is it (that is my disclaimer!).

I suppose I have not been honest about everything I want to achieve as I did not want to come across as arrogant or someone that seeks the limelight for the wrong reasons.

So here you go Linzi, this is for you and for everyone else who knows me and believes in me...

So who am I? I am me, a naturalist/conservationist/scientist and someone who has a passion for the natural world, who believes in the natural world and who will protect it for the rest of my life.

This passion inside me I have ignored in the past just due to sheer embarrassment and insecurity of feeling different...but no more. I have this light and burning desire inside of me that from now on I am going to embrace, but I will need all of your help. 

Throughout my whole life all I have ever wanted to do is good, to do the right thing and be a hero, yes that sounds a bit silly but it is true. I want to stand up and be counted, to lead and create an example for everyone else to gain inspiration from.

This planet is amazing, it is special, unique, crazy, beautiful, ridiculous, inspiring and brutally honest and I want to be here to save it, to stand up and be a role model.

There has been quite a bit of talk lately about the successor of David Attenborough and to be honest there will never be one as he is unique. What we do need is more of is conservation heroes, people in the public eye who people trust and who do the right thing and that is who I want to be. 

I have a desire to be that hero, to chat on the radio, to go on the talk shows, to make wildlife programmes and to communicate all that I can about the natural world. I want to be a wildlife television presenter and be the best me I can be, not the best Attenborough I can be, but the best of what I could possibly be.

Not only this but in the future I want to also set my own charity. A charity that focuses on environmental communication that involved education, wildlife filming and photography in the community. Like Gerald Durrell had a vision for his world changing zoo, which I visit weekly, I know exactly what I want. A network of community based wildlife education centres (farms) that run programmes such as Forest School, a place for the community where people can meet, enjoy wildlife and become inspired by it. I want something different, something that will change not only the natural world but the lives of people as well. 

Bloody hell, that is pretty big ay? I told you I was going to be honest and that is all I ever try and be. The thing is, I cannot do this alone, none of us who work in the environmental area can, we need the public to care, to help and get involved.

I think I will leave it there for now as I need some sleep and I am pretty shattered. Hopefully I have made some sense and said something new and not come across as arrogant, even though that is probably just me being insecure and paranoid. 

At the end of the day I just want to do some good as integrity is so important to me. Yes I have my problems with my mental health but I am not afraid of them and fingers crossed that they are now being dealt with and I have come out of the other side. 

I actually feel quite embarrassed to have written this but it is out there now and most of the credit for that goes to Linzi. Thank you Linzi...

Lets hope you hear a lot more from me in the future, lets hope the next journey starts here...

SLQ 

The Heart Never Lies...

Hi all,

Just to let you know that this will again be quite a personal blog, but there are things that I really need to say and just explain.
The past few months have been pretty horrendous (especially January as some good friends have passed away) but as I write this at the start of February 2013 I seem to be finally winning the battle to get myself on that start line once again.

For people who have not read this before for the past 18 months I have been battling depression that I now know I have had for a substantial amount of years (at least 5 I think). It is something I never really realised that I had until I had a small breakdown during the first few months of a relationship.
Anyway, the past few months have been crap, I am not going to lie, I have really struggled to pick myself up this time and of all of the times that I have had to pick myself up and dust myself this has been the hardest by a country mile. One reason for this is that I a not a fan of Christmas and New Year as I get incredibly lonely and have many thoughts of being unwanted and useless over the holiday period. The second reason was the ending of a relationship which ended pretty badly and was so so tough, especially as I was the one ended it. I never thought I would have to end a relationship with someone who I loved that much, who I cared for that much, but now that I step back and analyse I know that I did it for the both of us.

I do actually hope she is reading this as I still think about her every day and for all of the times she was there for me, loved me and helped me through my illness, a part of me will always love her and I will never ever think badly of her. She is truly someone very special and all I want is for her to be happy and I hope she knows this. In the end we both needed to find ourselves again and stand on our own two feet.

As the dust settles and I walk away from one chapter, another one starts. One thing that has really turned things around for me is that I have been seeing a life coach. I must admit that at first I was a bit hesitant but the person who coaches me is a good, good friend and I can honestly say that she has helped me a lot. I feel like she has grabbed me, shaken me around, picked me up and put me back on track and bit by bit started putting me back together. I have always known that I have had the potential to do anything as I believe in my career with everything I have, but has just all become lost over the past couple of years as I have had to come to terms with realising how far my depression goes and how much it has been a part of me for so long.

Lately though things have been looking up and I feel a bit more...well...me...
Ever since I admitted to myself that what has happened in my life has led me to having problems with my mental health I knew that the most important thing was to battle it, fight it and deal with it, otherwise I would have it for the rest of my life. It has been the hardest thing to do and I do not think that people realise how hard it really is for anyone who goes through this. I have had to challenge who I am as a person and basically re-boot my mind and how it perceives everything and I mean everything. Bloody hell it is a hard thing to do and I am not surprised that mental health problems are on the increase as the way we live our lives is just not right. Too much stress, too much pressure, too fast and all the small things that are important just get lost.

I have many things to focus on but my main goal is to become a wildlife television presenter (there I said it!, happy Linzi :P). There has been a lot of focus lately on who will succeed Sir David Attenborough. To be honest there will never been anyone like him but there is someone writing this who wants to be that role model, that point of contact so if there are any industry people reading this I am throwing my hat in the presenter ring so to speak. I am here to tell stories and communicate.

I will leave you by saying that if you are reading this just trust who you are, believe in who you are and remember that your gut instinct and heart never lie, that is the lesson that I have learnt over the past few months and is one I will never forget.

SLQ