Don't Call Me Crazy

Hi all,

If you are reading this I hope you are well and enjoying the outdoors.

Originally I planned this blog to be about my experiences as a naturalist and conservationist as I know it is a bit of a secret world, but once again I find myself writing about mental health, with a particular focus on myself. To be honest, I am not a great fan of writing of talking about myself because I dislike being the centre of attention. However I feel it is more important for people to get an insight as to what depression and mental health issues are and to also tell everyone that if you are suffering then you are not alone by a long, long shot.

What has really sparked off this piece of writing is a programme on BBC Three called 'Don't Call Me Crazy' and it is a documentary covering the stories of an NHS mental health institute for teenagers aged 13 to 17. I highly recommend it as it is quite an eye opener and you are able to watch it on the BBC iplayer.
I related to the patients and staff and they are quite brave to actually go on television and talk about their minds and how they suffer from OCD, Depression, panic attacks or have voices telling them what to do. In the end many of these problems have been created by family issues and a lack of stability whilst growing up. Anyway, it is a must watch from my point of view.

The link to the episodes is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01b86w5/episodes/guide

Over the last couple of months I have been steadily improving as I am now off my medication, which was bloody tough to do. As soon as I came off it my insecurities came back and the withdrawal symptoms messed me up a bit. I was dizzy, had bursts of light in my eyes (hard to explain) and suffering from nausea for a couple of weeks before it faded away. I did a bit of research and realised this was normal for the drug I was taking, even in low doses.

Ok, that is enough about me, all I really wanted to say is that the programme made me realise that I do not think you can really understand depression/anxiety unless you actually go through it. That may sound harsh but the problem with mental health is that you cannot really see it physically and everyone thinks it is made up or not very serious. HELLO! NOT THAT SERIOUS?! This is your brain effectively being ill, it is on full shutdown mode and is struggling to cope with the real world and when you stop and think about it, that is huge, really huge. Your brain is you, it is everything you are.
The best way I can explain is that it is like someone has sucked out your brain and who you are and left you with an empty space. You then need to try bit by bit to find your mind again, which is done piece by piece. To think this all goes on in such a tiny space, but then again the mind is the earth's most complicated product of evolution.

Some people can be quite shocked as to how open I am about all of this, but to be honest I am not ashamed, this is just who I am. It does help me to explain things in words as it makes it more real and straightforward, but I mainly write this to help other people as I am coming out of the other side. I am here to help people who are struggling and feel messed up because of the crazy, unhealthy lives that we lead.

If you find me on Twitter and Facebook then I am always here for advice and information and a little help. I am not a medical professional by a long way but I felt the loneliness, the sadness, the feelings of suicide, the OCD and the belief that I am not good enough for this world (holy shit that is big!).

Hopefully this may be my last mental health post for a while, we will see. I do actually love to chat, talk and get wrapped up in the natural world. That is the real me, but I need to find a healthy, stable place first.

Just remember that you are not alone...

Take care,

SLQ

(Twitter: @slequesne)

P.S. A great book to read is 'Sane New World' by Ruby Wax.