I have been thinking about how to write this blog post for a long, long time. In my head I know what I want to write, I just have been unable to communicate it properly as soon as the typing starts. This one is especially important as it is all to do about how we as naturalists/filmmakers and conservationists communicate to the general public. This is what I really care about.
It has honestly being going around my head for weeks now, ideas, thoughts, quotes, you name it. First of all, what I am going to be is blunt and honest and say that as a profession we are pretty poor at communicating to everyone else, and the planet is not getting any healthier. The problem is that wildlife conservation is seen as a niche, a fashion statement so to speak, a topic and subject that is trending now and again, but is not really taken seriously and is not connected to the real issues of our economies, health system's, education systems and communities, because if it was then our politicians would not be kicking us into the bin, which is what they are basically doing. To put it simply, wildlife conservation is not seen important enough to do anything for, which makes me so, so sad and becomes even more ridiculous every time you read that, over and over again.
To sum it all up, our Prime Minister, David Cameron has recently said that he wants to do away 'with all the green crap', when it comes to our energy bills. Speechless...
If things are to really change, we need a bigger movement, a shift in our communities and to do this we need to stop preaching to the 'converted' (I hate saying that as we are not a religion) and to take a different direction. I know what this direction is, but I am going to stew on the idea until I really get it right. This then leads me to the alternatives to our government, if we really care about our environment, who do we vote for? (Unless you are Russell Brand and you do not vote, and I totally understand his views on politics).
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is the Green Party, surely? I am an environmentalist and love the outdoors, so surely I would vote for them? And yet, I am not sure, there is just something about the party that makes me back off and think about this, which I hate saying (apologies to The Green Party).
But why? Why am I so apprehensive about the Green Party? Considering how much I love wildlife. I think, like many organisations they are stuck a bit in the 1980's or 1990's, a bit this, a bit that and not really with it, so to speak. It is really hard to explain, but I just do not think they are 'real-life' enough, which goes back to the start of this post. They suffer from the same problem as we all do, they are just not seen as relevant. A bit of a fashion statement.
I could talk about this for hours, so to cut things short, if I were to lead the green party I would be more direct, more aggressive, more clear on my policies, I would create a link between the environment and how it can help the economy, our families, our energy worries and tackle issues that effect the lives of everyday people. (They may actually be doing this, I am just not aware of it). Basically, there are decades of scientific research to show how the environment can make us happier, healthier and help grow our economy, we need to embrace it and to tackle things head on. Stop being a movement/party on the side and to actually start wrestling with everyone else. At the moment, they are too quiet, I would also consider a name change as well as Green party just makes me think of activism, rather than a body capable of running the country.
The ethos would be community and social engagement, to create a different identity for the MP's of the Green Party compared to everyone else, I want real-life MP's that people can engage with (tough, I know). We also need to do this for the environmental movement as well, or nothing will change quick enough.
Here is one final thought. Imagine how amazing it would be, imagine the social change if Cheryl Cole, Andy Murray and other high-profile 'celebrities' (do not like that word at all) started speaking out about conservation issues as well as working as patrons for wildlife charities. It would change everything. There is your different route...
slq
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
It really is time to talk...
Hi all,
Sometimes I am not a great fan of sitting myself down in a quiet place to write what is on my mind, or what I feel needs to be talked about. I would much prefer to be outside, swinging in the trees, planting trees and putting up bird boxes, in other words each blog post needs to be mean something to me for me to actually write on here (which I am sure you can tell if you have read any of my previous posts).
Originally I had planned to write a bit about what I am planning to do next, but then this news story (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-24818048) has shot into the media today and it has put many thoughts and ideas into my head.
If you have not read the article, a new report and review of medical records has shown that depression is now the second biggest cause disability in the world, pretty crazy ay? (No pun intended).
One thing is for sure and that is mental illness cannot be under-estimated or ignored anymore, it is a debilitating disease that will effect 1 in 4 of us for some parts of our lives.
But, what I am always asking myself is why? Why is depression on the increase? Why are people becoming more unhappy? This is the key question, one that we all must ask ourselves…why is mental health becoming more common? Then a whole range of issues come into view, solvable ones.
Personally, I feel it is the way we live our lives, our hectic, non-stop, stressful lives that are topped by the pressures brought to us by technology. I know from personal experience that I sometimes get swept up by social media and sitting in front of screen, letting my mind compare myself with everyone and everything, which does me no good whatsoever. How many times have we all compared our lives with our friends on Facebook? It does us no good at all and will only lead to negative opinions of ourselves.
I really feel that we need to put less focus on material wealth, money and what we have and more on inner wealth or depression will become biggest health issue across the globe, as our lives become more hectic, more stressful and more distant from what we really want.
I know that I have not been too happy as of late because I feel trapped, like life is passing me by and that I am not doing enough of what I love. Yes, my mind has distorted this to a certain extent, but I do think the core issue of not leading the lives we want is one of the core factors for depression.
The solution? 4 day working weeks, 1 day to volunteer with charities, less technology, more green open spaces and more family time.
A quick sentence to an awfully complicated subject but the research is there to help us, especially when we look at the benefits of the natural world. A variety of green, open, wild, spaces means a healthy vibrant community and that is backed up by ALOT of science.
We are all different, but I know I am at my most happiness when I am outdoors and there is nothing but piece and quiet and I finally have time to myself.
It really is time to talk about how we live our lives, how we can can things for the better and how the natural world can help us with this. I am not trying to preach the natural world, I just think we all deserve to be happy as life is too short not to be, but at the moment we seem to be going the other way.
SLQ
Sometimes I am not a great fan of sitting myself down in a quiet place to write what is on my mind, or what I feel needs to be talked about. I would much prefer to be outside, swinging in the trees, planting trees and putting up bird boxes, in other words each blog post needs to be mean something to me for me to actually write on here (which I am sure you can tell if you have read any of my previous posts).
Originally I had planned to write a bit about what I am planning to do next, but then this news story (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-24818048) has shot into the media today and it has put many thoughts and ideas into my head.
If you have not read the article, a new report and review of medical records has shown that depression is now the second biggest cause disability in the world, pretty crazy ay? (No pun intended).
One thing is for sure and that is mental illness cannot be under-estimated or ignored anymore, it is a debilitating disease that will effect 1 in 4 of us for some parts of our lives.
But, what I am always asking myself is why? Why is depression on the increase? Why are people becoming more unhappy? This is the key question, one that we all must ask ourselves…why is mental health becoming more common? Then a whole range of issues come into view, solvable ones.
Personally, I feel it is the way we live our lives, our hectic, non-stop, stressful lives that are topped by the pressures brought to us by technology. I know from personal experience that I sometimes get swept up by social media and sitting in front of screen, letting my mind compare myself with everyone and everything, which does me no good whatsoever. How many times have we all compared our lives with our friends on Facebook? It does us no good at all and will only lead to negative opinions of ourselves.
I really feel that we need to put less focus on material wealth, money and what we have and more on inner wealth or depression will become biggest health issue across the globe, as our lives become more hectic, more stressful and more distant from what we really want.
I know that I have not been too happy as of late because I feel trapped, like life is passing me by and that I am not doing enough of what I love. Yes, my mind has distorted this to a certain extent, but I do think the core issue of not leading the lives we want is one of the core factors for depression.
The solution? 4 day working weeks, 1 day to volunteer with charities, less technology, more green open spaces and more family time.
A quick sentence to an awfully complicated subject but the research is there to help us, especially when we look at the benefits of the natural world. A variety of green, open, wild, spaces means a healthy vibrant community and that is backed up by ALOT of science.
We are all different, but I know I am at my most happiness when I am outdoors and there is nothing but piece and quiet and I finally have time to myself.
It really is time to talk about how we live our lives, how we can can things for the better and how the natural world can help us with this. I am not trying to preach the natural world, I just think we all deserve to be happy as life is too short not to be, but at the moment we seem to be going the other way.
SLQ
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Discovering Depression
Before you read this, this post was originally written a few months back, when I was in quite a dark place and I was struggling to see how to get out of it. This piece was originally written for Mind, the mental health charity, but the headlines in my local newspaper in Jersey have triggered me to post this. We need to talk about mental health, why is their a stigma for your brain, the most complex organ on the planet, going wrong. Why?
I hope this manages to help some people and to maybe blow this issue open a bit.
SLQ
Hi all,
I will fully admit now before
I write this that I am not quite sure where this piece of writing will go. I
have just completed my first session of karate for 2 months and my mind is
unravelling and doing silly things so I am going to share this with you.
Never in my wildest dreams
would I have ever thought as a kid that I would have depression and battle it
for a number of years, it is pretty rubbish I can tell you that. Looking back I
have probably had it for the last 10 years or so, but I had no idea what mental
health was or how it could affect my life back then. I just thought the
constant battles with my mind were normal and I was just weak and pretty much
not good enough, so I battled on and on and on until I snapped. It literally
took two mini breakdowns for me to realise that I needed to talk to someone. In
the end when I look back it all stems from me being a victim of some heavy
bullying at school as well as my parents divorce and the break up of what was a
sturdy family unit. Being told you were
crap and rubbish (that is putting it mildly) and then beaten up for 5 years at
school was not good. The problem was I had no idea I was cracking up, not a
clue.
I am currently sitting here
in my room with my karate gear still on, trying to think of a way to describe
depression or tell you what it is. The thing is, I can’t, it is all in the mind
and it is different for everyone. All I can really talk about is my experiences
and myself.
You know I am struggling to
hold everything in at the moment as I am a little fed up of the battle and the
strength needed to battle this illness, it is so, so tiring to battle your
negative thoughts every single day. With me, it just takes my identity away
once it is triggered, Stephen the person is gone and what’s left is this
anxious, mumbling, nervous, paranoid wreck who think he is not good enough for
anyone or anything and who has no motivation for anything. I hate it, I really
do, it has wrecked large parts of my life and a lot of the time it has only been
my sheer stubbornness that has got me through.
I am pretty much in pieces at
the moment, as I just know how much it wrecks me and takes away who I am. That
is what it does! It takes away my identity! Imagine knowing who you are but not
being that person because your mind will not let you, that is what it is for
me…it affects me in so many ways, and even now, 2 years after I finally
realised that I needed help, I am still discovering new ways about what
depression is for me. I am still discovering about how it is triggered, how my view
of the world is not quite correct and how my passion and desire for the natural
world just disappears into a black hole with the words “you are not good enough
to do this”. That really upsets me, as
the environment is my greatest passion and I am determined to change the world,
the problem is that my mind at the moment is not playing ball.
The last couple of years have
been one hell of a battle and I have needed my friends and family to help me,
especially my youngest sister, even though I would never admit it.
I have had the CBT, the one
on one counselling sessions and the drugs, it has been one hell of a long haul,
but I refuse to give up because I know one day that I might actually be happy
with me. The hardest step is to admit
things are wrong, after I admitted this I felt as if a huge weight came off my
shoulders.
If you are reading this then
I hope this has helped in some way, it has been quite a strong bit of writing,
which is how I can be sometimes.
I am very open about my
depression, which helps me as it makes me feel more normal, so if you are
reading this and would like some advice or anything, then I am sure my contact
details are on this page, I am always happy to help.
The main thing is depression
is far from being rare, many, many people suffer in silence. You are definitely
not alone.
Take care and I do hope to
write here again sometime soon.
Stephen
Friday, September 6, 2013
The Problems with Being Green
Hi all,
So...I have been thinking, pondering and drafting as to how to write this blog post. What do I say? How do I say it? Does anyone read this? All of these thoughts have passed through my very active mind during the past weeks and this is what I have come up with. First of all though, a quick update.
Birdfair
I had the amazing privilege to attend Birdfair 2013 in Rutland a few weeks back and the original idea was to dedicate a blog post to it, but there have been many blog posts about this amazing wildlife festival (one can be found here: http://wildeaboutbirds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/rutland-bird-fair-2013-people-not-bird.html). This is a post by the awesome Finlay Wilde, a young chap who gives me hope for the future. To sum up Birdfair, it was all about meeting amazing people, exchanging ideas, creating friendships and doing as much bird-watching as humanly possible. I could not have asked for more, so thank you to everyone that I met.
Me
Well, to say that my life is a roller-coaster would pretty much sum things up over the past few weeks. Many things have happened, but most are quite personal and I cannot really say. One thing is that I am single once again, my depression is still with me, but under more and more control and I am definitely heading in the right direction. I am now also taking swimming lessons (for a reason to be revealed at a later date), am playing football again AND my families of Swallows have decided to nest again, which has put a big smile on my face. It will be a sad day when they leave for the warmth of Africa.
The Post
Anyhow, the reason why I feel the need to do a piece of writing is that after a session with my amazing Life Coach/Counsellor (http://www.helloglowcoaching.com) the issue of how conservationists and naturalists are perceived came into the conversation, and it has made me think a considerable amount as to how we are all perceived by the media and general public.
Communicating about the natural world is one of my great passions, I want to be on the radio, television and leading guided walks to tell people how lucky we are and how important the natural world is to all of our lives.
The problem with being green is that we all come across a little too negative, a movement that is in the back, fighting for what is right for us and wildlife, but not for the economy or for the normal person, a movement that is quite selfish, old and just moans all of the time. Harsh, but true, and in my current job the media just treat all wildlife stories as a side project, a bit of quirky fun that fills the last few seconds of a news programme.
But why?...why? why? why? It is something that I do not really have an answer for to be honest, but it is something I am determined to change. This is the planet we live on we are talking about, not some fashion product. This is where we live.
The truth is, the environmental movement does not just fight for wildlife, but for people, for the economy and to try and create another way of life that will be happier, cheaper and less harmful to all of us. Greening cities, more open spaces, community programs to bring people together and bring smiles to peoples faces. One question to ask yourself...When the weather is sunny, warm and pleasant, where do we all go? Inside?...
There is no doubting that we are destroying this planet, big time, and if it crumbles into dust, then who do you think will suffer? Us. Food prices will go up, the economy will crash... etc etc etc, blah, blah, blah...I do not want to preach and tell you what will happen (I will leave that to Greenpeace etc).
The thing is, we cannot go on like we are. On the flip side we have this incredible, amazing, once in a lifetime, once in human history opportunity to change the way we live. Something that can be so positive and solve many of the problems we face. The research is there, the technology is there, but the communication and public image is not and that is something that needs to change. It is something I am determined to change, for my family, for wildlife and for everyone else.
Here is one brilliant story I will leave you with:
http://www.livescience.com/6399-5-minutes-nature-boost-mental-health.html
SLQ
So...I have been thinking, pondering and drafting as to how to write this blog post. What do I say? How do I say it? Does anyone read this? All of these thoughts have passed through my very active mind during the past weeks and this is what I have come up with. First of all though, a quick update.
Birdfair
I had the amazing privilege to attend Birdfair 2013 in Rutland a few weeks back and the original idea was to dedicate a blog post to it, but there have been many blog posts about this amazing wildlife festival (one can be found here: http://wildeaboutbirds.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/rutland-bird-fair-2013-people-not-bird.html). This is a post by the awesome Finlay Wilde, a young chap who gives me hope for the future. To sum up Birdfair, it was all about meeting amazing people, exchanging ideas, creating friendships and doing as much bird-watching as humanly possible. I could not have asked for more, so thank you to everyone that I met.
Me
Well, to say that my life is a roller-coaster would pretty much sum things up over the past few weeks. Many things have happened, but most are quite personal and I cannot really say. One thing is that I am single once again, my depression is still with me, but under more and more control and I am definitely heading in the right direction. I am now also taking swimming lessons (for a reason to be revealed at a later date), am playing football again AND my families of Swallows have decided to nest again, which has put a big smile on my face. It will be a sad day when they leave for the warmth of Africa.
The Post
Anyhow, the reason why I feel the need to do a piece of writing is that after a session with my amazing Life Coach/Counsellor (http://www.helloglowcoaching.com) the issue of how conservationists and naturalists are perceived came into the conversation, and it has made me think a considerable amount as to how we are all perceived by the media and general public.
Communicating about the natural world is one of my great passions, I want to be on the radio, television and leading guided walks to tell people how lucky we are and how important the natural world is to all of our lives.
The problem with being green is that we all come across a little too negative, a movement that is in the back, fighting for what is right for us and wildlife, but not for the economy or for the normal person, a movement that is quite selfish, old and just moans all of the time. Harsh, but true, and in my current job the media just treat all wildlife stories as a side project, a bit of quirky fun that fills the last few seconds of a news programme.
But why?...why? why? why? It is something that I do not really have an answer for to be honest, but it is something I am determined to change. This is the planet we live on we are talking about, not some fashion product. This is where we live.
The truth is, the environmental movement does not just fight for wildlife, but for people, for the economy and to try and create another way of life that will be happier, cheaper and less harmful to all of us. Greening cities, more open spaces, community programs to bring people together and bring smiles to peoples faces. One question to ask yourself...When the weather is sunny, warm and pleasant, where do we all go? Inside?...
There is no doubting that we are destroying this planet, big time, and if it crumbles into dust, then who do you think will suffer? Us. Food prices will go up, the economy will crash... etc etc etc, blah, blah, blah...I do not want to preach and tell you what will happen (I will leave that to Greenpeace etc).
The thing is, we cannot go on like we are. On the flip side we have this incredible, amazing, once in a lifetime, once in human history opportunity to change the way we live. Something that can be so positive and solve many of the problems we face. The research is there, the technology is there, but the communication and public image is not and that is something that needs to change. It is something I am determined to change, for my family, for wildlife and for everyone else.
Here is one brilliant story I will leave you with:
http://www.livescience.com/6399-5-minutes-nature-boost-mental-health.html
SLQ
Friday, July 5, 2013
Don't Call Me Crazy
Hi all,
If you are reading this I hope you are well and enjoying the outdoors.
Originally I planned this blog to be about my experiences as a naturalist and conservationist as I know it is a bit of a secret world, but once again I find myself writing about mental health, with a particular focus on myself. To be honest, I am not a great fan of writing of talking about myself because I dislike being the centre of attention. However I feel it is more important for people to get an insight as to what depression and mental health issues are and to also tell everyone that if you are suffering then you are not alone by a long, long shot.
What has really sparked off this piece of writing is a programme on BBC Three called 'Don't Call Me Crazy' and it is a documentary covering the stories of an NHS mental health institute for teenagers aged 13 to 17. I highly recommend it as it is quite an eye opener and you are able to watch it on the BBC iplayer.
I related to the patients and staff and they are quite brave to actually go on television and talk about their minds and how they suffer from OCD, Depression, panic attacks or have voices telling them what to do. In the end many of these problems have been created by family issues and a lack of stability whilst growing up. Anyway, it is a must watch from my point of view.
The link to the episodes is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01b86w5/episodes/guide
Over the last couple of months I have been steadily improving as I am now off my medication, which was bloody tough to do. As soon as I came off it my insecurities came back and the withdrawal symptoms messed me up a bit. I was dizzy, had bursts of light in my eyes (hard to explain) and suffering from nausea for a couple of weeks before it faded away. I did a bit of research and realised this was normal for the drug I was taking, even in low doses.
Ok, that is enough about me, all I really wanted to say is that the programme made me realise that I do not think you can really understand depression/anxiety unless you actually go through it. That may sound harsh but the problem with mental health is that you cannot really see it physically and everyone thinks it is made up or not very serious. HELLO! NOT THAT SERIOUS?! This is your brain effectively being ill, it is on full shutdown mode and is struggling to cope with the real world and when you stop and think about it, that is huge, really huge. Your brain is you, it is everything you are.
The best way I can explain is that it is like someone has sucked out your brain and who you are and left you with an empty space. You then need to try bit by bit to find your mind again, which is done piece by piece. To think this all goes on in such a tiny space, but then again the mind is the earth's most complicated product of evolution.
Some people can be quite shocked as to how open I am about all of this, but to be honest I am not ashamed, this is just who I am. It does help me to explain things in words as it makes it more real and straightforward, but I mainly write this to help other people as I am coming out of the other side. I am here to help people who are struggling and feel messed up because of the crazy, unhealthy lives that we lead.
If you find me on Twitter and Facebook then I am always here for advice and information and a little help. I am not a medical professional by a long way but I felt the loneliness, the sadness, the feelings of suicide, the OCD and the belief that I am not good enough for this world (holy shit that is big!).
Hopefully this may be my last mental health post for a while, we will see. I do actually love to chat, talk and get wrapped up in the natural world. That is the real me, but I need to find a healthy, stable place first.
Just remember that you are not alone...
Take care,
SLQ
(Twitter: @slequesne)
P.S. A great book to read is 'Sane New World' by Ruby Wax.
If you are reading this I hope you are well and enjoying the outdoors.
Originally I planned this blog to be about my experiences as a naturalist and conservationist as I know it is a bit of a secret world, but once again I find myself writing about mental health, with a particular focus on myself. To be honest, I am not a great fan of writing of talking about myself because I dislike being the centre of attention. However I feel it is more important for people to get an insight as to what depression and mental health issues are and to also tell everyone that if you are suffering then you are not alone by a long, long shot.
What has really sparked off this piece of writing is a programme on BBC Three called 'Don't Call Me Crazy' and it is a documentary covering the stories of an NHS mental health institute for teenagers aged 13 to 17. I highly recommend it as it is quite an eye opener and you are able to watch it on the BBC iplayer.
I related to the patients and staff and they are quite brave to actually go on television and talk about their minds and how they suffer from OCD, Depression, panic attacks or have voices telling them what to do. In the end many of these problems have been created by family issues and a lack of stability whilst growing up. Anyway, it is a must watch from my point of view.
The link to the episodes is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p01b86w5/episodes/guide
Over the last couple of months I have been steadily improving as I am now off my medication, which was bloody tough to do. As soon as I came off it my insecurities came back and the withdrawal symptoms messed me up a bit. I was dizzy, had bursts of light in my eyes (hard to explain) and suffering from nausea for a couple of weeks before it faded away. I did a bit of research and realised this was normal for the drug I was taking, even in low doses.
Ok, that is enough about me, all I really wanted to say is that the programme made me realise that I do not think you can really understand depression/anxiety unless you actually go through it. That may sound harsh but the problem with mental health is that you cannot really see it physically and everyone thinks it is made up or not very serious. HELLO! NOT THAT SERIOUS?! This is your brain effectively being ill, it is on full shutdown mode and is struggling to cope with the real world and when you stop and think about it, that is huge, really huge. Your brain is you, it is everything you are.
The best way I can explain is that it is like someone has sucked out your brain and who you are and left you with an empty space. You then need to try bit by bit to find your mind again, which is done piece by piece. To think this all goes on in such a tiny space, but then again the mind is the earth's most complicated product of evolution.
Some people can be quite shocked as to how open I am about all of this, but to be honest I am not ashamed, this is just who I am. It does help me to explain things in words as it makes it more real and straightforward, but I mainly write this to help other people as I am coming out of the other side. I am here to help people who are struggling and feel messed up because of the crazy, unhealthy lives that we lead.
If you find me on Twitter and Facebook then I am always here for advice and information and a little help. I am not a medical professional by a long way but I felt the loneliness, the sadness, the feelings of suicide, the OCD and the belief that I am not good enough for this world (holy shit that is big!).
Hopefully this may be my last mental health post for a while, we will see. I do actually love to chat, talk and get wrapped up in the natural world. That is the real me, but I need to find a healthy, stable place first.
Just remember that you are not alone...
Take care,
SLQ
(Twitter: @slequesne)
P.S. A great book to read is 'Sane New World' by Ruby Wax.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
This is Who I am...
Hey all,
Are you ready for this one?...
I suppose I have not been honest about everything I want to achieve as I did not want to come across as arrogant or someone that seeks the limelight for the wrong reasons.
So here you go Linzi, this is for you and for everyone else who knows me and believes in me...
So who am I? I am me, a naturalist/conservationist/scientist and someone who has a passion for the natural world, who believes in the natural world and who will protect it for the rest of my life.
This passion inside me I have ignored in the past just due to sheer embarrassment and insecurity of feeling different...but no more. I have this light and burning desire inside of me that from now on I am going to embrace, but I will need all of your help.
Throughout my whole life all I have ever wanted to do is good, to do the right thing and be a hero, yes that sounds a bit silly but it is true. I want to stand up and be counted, to lead and create an example for everyone else to gain inspiration from.
This planet is amazing, it is special, unique, crazy, beautiful, ridiculous, inspiring and brutally honest and I want to be here to save it, to stand up and be a role model.
There has been quite a bit of talk lately about the successor of David Attenborough and to be honest there will never be one as he is unique. What we do need is more of is conservation heroes, people in the public eye who people trust and who do the right thing and that is who I want to be.
I have a desire to be that hero, to chat on the radio, to go on the talk shows, to make wildlife programmes and to communicate all that I can about the natural world. I want to be a wildlife television presenter and be the best me I can be, not the best Attenborough I can be, but the best of what I could possibly be.
Not only this but in the future I want to also set my own charity. A charity that focuses on environmental communication that involved education, wildlife filming and photography in the community. Like Gerald Durrell had a vision for his world changing zoo, which I visit weekly, I know exactly what I want. A network of community based wildlife education centres (farms) that run programmes such as Forest School, a place for the community where people can meet, enjoy wildlife and become inspired by it. I want something different, something that will change not only the natural world but the lives of people as well.
Bloody hell, that is pretty big ay? I told you I was going to be honest and that is all I ever try and be. The thing is, I cannot do this alone, none of us who work in the environmental area can, we need the public to care, to help and get involved.
I think I will leave it there for now as I need some sleep and I am pretty shattered. Hopefully I have made some sense and said something new and not come across as arrogant, even though that is probably just me being insecure and paranoid.
At the end of the day I just want to do some good as integrity is so important to me. Yes I have my problems with my mental health but I am not afraid of them and fingers crossed that they are now being dealt with and I have come out of the other side.
I actually feel quite embarrassed to have written this but it is out there now and most of the credit for that goes to Linzi. Thank you Linzi...
Lets hope you hear a lot more from me in the future, lets hope the next journey starts here...
SLQ
Sunday, February 3, 2013
The Heart Never Lies...
Hi all,
Just to let you know that this will again be quite a personal blog, but there are things that I really need to say and just explain.
The past few months have been pretty horrendous (especially January as some good friends have passed away) but as I write this at the start of February 2013 I seem to be finally winning the battle to get myself on that start line once again.
For people who have not read this before for the past 18 months I have been battling depression that I now know I have had for a substantial amount of years (at least 5 I think). It is something I never really realised that I had until I had a small breakdown during the first few months of a relationship.
Anyway, the past few months have been crap, I am not going to lie, I have really struggled to pick myself up this time and of all of the times that I have had to pick myself up and dust myself this has been the hardest by a country mile. One reason for this is that I a not a fan of Christmas and New Year as I get incredibly lonely and have many thoughts of being unwanted and useless over the holiday period. The second reason was the ending of a relationship which ended pretty badly and was so so tough, especially as I was the one ended it. I never thought I would have to end a relationship with someone who I loved that much, who I cared for that much, but now that I step back and analyse I know that I did it for the both of us.
I do actually hope she is reading this as I still think about her every day and for all of the times she was there for me, loved me and helped me through my illness, a part of me will always love her and I will never ever think badly of her. She is truly someone very special and all I want is for her to be happy and I hope she knows this. In the end we both needed to find ourselves again and stand on our own two feet.
As the dust settles and I walk away from one chapter, another one starts. One thing that has really turned things around for me is that I have been seeing a life coach. I must admit that at first I was a bit hesitant but the person who coaches me is a good, good friend and I can honestly say that she has helped me a lot. I feel like she has grabbed me, shaken me around, picked me up and put me back on track and bit by bit started putting me back together. I have always known that I have had the potential to do anything as I believe in my career with everything I have, but has just all become lost over the past couple of years as I have had to come to terms with realising how far my depression goes and how much it has been a part of me for so long.
Lately though things have been looking up and I feel a bit more...well...me...
Ever since I admitted to myself that what has happened in my life has led me to having problems with my mental health I knew that the most important thing was to battle it, fight it and deal with it, otherwise I would have it for the rest of my life. It has been the hardest thing to do and I do not think that people realise how hard it really is for anyone who goes through this. I have had to challenge who I am as a person and basically re-boot my mind and how it perceives everything and I mean everything. Bloody hell it is a hard thing to do and I am not surprised that mental health problems are on the increase as the way we live our lives is just not right. Too much stress, too much pressure, too fast and all the small things that are important just get lost.
I have many things to focus on but my main goal is to become a wildlife television presenter (there I said it!, happy Linzi :P). There has been a lot of focus lately on who will succeed Sir David Attenborough. To be honest there will never been anyone like him but there is someone writing this who wants to be that role model, that point of contact so if there are any industry people reading this I am throwing my hat in the presenter ring so to speak. I am here to tell stories and communicate.
I will leave you by saying that if you are reading this just trust who you are, believe in who you are and remember that your gut instinct and heart never lie, that is the lesson that I have learnt over the past few months and is one I will never forget.
SLQ
Just to let you know that this will again be quite a personal blog, but there are things that I really need to say and just explain.
The past few months have been pretty horrendous (especially January as some good friends have passed away) but as I write this at the start of February 2013 I seem to be finally winning the battle to get myself on that start line once again.
For people who have not read this before for the past 18 months I have been battling depression that I now know I have had for a substantial amount of years (at least 5 I think). It is something I never really realised that I had until I had a small breakdown during the first few months of a relationship.
Anyway, the past few months have been crap, I am not going to lie, I have really struggled to pick myself up this time and of all of the times that I have had to pick myself up and dust myself this has been the hardest by a country mile. One reason for this is that I a not a fan of Christmas and New Year as I get incredibly lonely and have many thoughts of being unwanted and useless over the holiday period. The second reason was the ending of a relationship which ended pretty badly and was so so tough, especially as I was the one ended it. I never thought I would have to end a relationship with someone who I loved that much, who I cared for that much, but now that I step back and analyse I know that I did it for the both of us.
I do actually hope she is reading this as I still think about her every day and for all of the times she was there for me, loved me and helped me through my illness, a part of me will always love her and I will never ever think badly of her. She is truly someone very special and all I want is for her to be happy and I hope she knows this. In the end we both needed to find ourselves again and stand on our own two feet.
As the dust settles and I walk away from one chapter, another one starts. One thing that has really turned things around for me is that I have been seeing a life coach. I must admit that at first I was a bit hesitant but the person who coaches me is a good, good friend and I can honestly say that she has helped me a lot. I feel like she has grabbed me, shaken me around, picked me up and put me back on track and bit by bit started putting me back together. I have always known that I have had the potential to do anything as I believe in my career with everything I have, but has just all become lost over the past couple of years as I have had to come to terms with realising how far my depression goes and how much it has been a part of me for so long.
Lately though things have been looking up and I feel a bit more...well...me...
Ever since I admitted to myself that what has happened in my life has led me to having problems with my mental health I knew that the most important thing was to battle it, fight it and deal with it, otherwise I would have it for the rest of my life. It has been the hardest thing to do and I do not think that people realise how hard it really is for anyone who goes through this. I have had to challenge who I am as a person and basically re-boot my mind and how it perceives everything and I mean everything. Bloody hell it is a hard thing to do and I am not surprised that mental health problems are on the increase as the way we live our lives is just not right. Too much stress, too much pressure, too fast and all the small things that are important just get lost.
I have many things to focus on but my main goal is to become a wildlife television presenter (there I said it!, happy Linzi :P). There has been a lot of focus lately on who will succeed Sir David Attenborough. To be honest there will never been anyone like him but there is someone writing this who wants to be that role model, that point of contact so if there are any industry people reading this I am throwing my hat in the presenter ring so to speak. I am here to tell stories and communicate.
I will leave you by saying that if you are reading this just trust who you are, believe in who you are and remember that your gut instinct and heart never lie, that is the lesson that I have learnt over the past few months and is one I will never forget.
SLQ
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