Hi all,
I do not know how I am going to write this post or what I am going to say but I will do my best as I am pretty emotional right now.
For anyone that does not know I work for the National Trust for Jersey as their wildlife education officer but during the past weeks i have pushed my education tasks to the side to help with the campaign to save a part of the island's north coast from development. This place is called Plemont and is situated in the north-west of the island and has already had a derelict holiday campy on it for as long as i can remember.
The issue for our government to decide was whether they were going to negotiate with the owner to buy the land back for the people of Jersey and then sell to the Trust so that we can open the land up and return it to coastland heathland. In the end the debate was lost by one vote so there will now be 28 luxury homes built on our coastline, basically a luxury housing estate. I cannot really describe how I feel and I know for a fact that the public have been persuaded by the developer pouring out facts that are just not correct, which really hurts.
I must admit that on my way home I had a bit of a cry, I am even a bit tearful now to be honest. I am so gutted and heartbroken, I feel like we have failed not just the wildlife but future generations. This was a massive opportunity to do something right that will last forever and to show that we do care about Jersey and we have the courage to stand up against developers. As soon as the decision was made we received some phone calls about people who live round the area who have young families, telling us that they are going to have to move home because of the increase in traffic, noise and pollution. I hope the politicians that voted against realise the consequences of their decision.
I hope people realise that the Trust is a very small team. We have no marketing or campaign people and most of our staff have ignored their normal jobs to work on this campaign. All of this effort has only really come from 2 people, one of which has had a life threatening illness. I myself have been working 12 hour days to help out. The Trust is not a rich or large organisation and we only have 3 full time members of staff in the office.
There are also a few facts that have been brought up by most people as to why they were against the purchasing of Plemont. They have been driven into our heads by the developer, but are in fact not true. I will now explain:
1. The developer will return 2/3 of the site to nature - A figure that has seduced the public into thinking we are getting a lot for nothing, this is not true. The actual figure is 30% as much of the landed promised to be returned IS ALREADY OWNED BY THE STATES or is in between the houses and will be a landscaped green. This land in the middle is basically dead space and so will have to be managed using taxpayers money.
2. The site is worth £14 million - This is the figure that the developer wants for the site, IT DOES NOT MEAN that it is worth this much. Independent valuations set the market price for the land at between £4-6 million. The £14 million includes the profit that the developer wants to make, something that is by law, not included when valuing a site. The Trust was committed to paying £3 million of this. (Just so you know the owner payed around £5 million for the site so is likely to make a profit of £10 million).
3. The buildings will not impose on the landscape - Again this is untrue. One of the clusters of houses is set right against the cliff and the development will be visible from Grosnez and Sorel Point. There is now also the potential of more development in the future.
4. The money used will be better spent in other areas such as health and education - The is again is mis-leading as the money was coming from the emergency contingency fund. This money will never be allocated to anything else as the states have already agreed their financial plan for the next 3 years. They have actually increased spending on health and education.
There are plenty more of these but one that needs to be said is that the developer has also bought the 3 green fields around the site. Coincidence? Not likely, as this means nobody from the surrounding area can now appeal the decision as they are too far away, plus they may even build on these in the future.
It makes me so sad that the general public seems to have believed everything the developer and architect have said. They have basically lied to the public and you will see this when the houses are built.
What worries me most though is the lack of basic knowledge that our politicians have regarding our natural environment. The eco-system of the headland is going to be ruined forever with severe complications that will in the end cost the taxpayer money forever.
The main underlying point is that to have a health and vibrant economy you need a healthy and vibrant natural environment, which has been proven by decades of scientific research. Our planet contributes billions to our economy and it cost us trillions to solve the problems that we have already caused.
There is also the fact that open spaces improve our physical and mental well-being as well as create a sense of belonging and reduce crime. In a small island such as ours we need open space to get away from it all, to relax and is of the upmost importance as the World Health Organisation predicts that mental health problems will be the 2nd largest health issue by 2020.
All in all I am pretty gutted at the moment and I am sure that when people see the housing development they will ask questions as to why it happened and that the developers plans look different to the actual reality. The legacy of these housing estate will now be with the 25 states members who voted for it and I know that in 10/20/30 years time they will regret their decisions. It is such a shame that the PR machine of the developers seems to have even won over our elected members of government.
If you are reading this I urge you to investigate what the National Trust for Jersey does because they are a great charity that will continue to fight for the protection of our coastline and open spaces. They will continue to question and battle against inappropriate development and protect Jersey's natural heritage. The Trust is an independent charity that does not receive any financial support from the government (unlike Jersey Heritage who receive around £2.5 million per year).
One thing I am going to do tomorrow is to go to Plemont to take some pictures before the bulldozers move in and change the landscape forever.
I am going to leave by saying that this is a decision that will last forever. It is one that my children and their children will now have to live with and I am so sorry for that. Jersey has just lost another part of it that makes it special.
SLQ
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
The legacy of depression
Hi all,
I am still amazed at how life can be so unpredictable and such a huge roller coaster. You have not heard from me in a while as I have had no idea how to start to even write what has been happening. My eyes are quickly filling with tears just as I write these first few sentences.
Firstly I was going to write about Wildscreen and how I managed to overcome so much of my anxiety problems and really gave that week all that I could. Secondly, this second blog post was going to be called 'How counselling saved me', if only this was the case.
Things have kinda fallen to pieces, especially in the past couple of weeks and I do not want to say too much but once again I am just me. There has been a realisation within me that I do not have the strength or commitment to give 100%, I just cannot do it at the moment, no matter how hard I try. I have tried so so hard but there is just a part of me that refuses to let go of the past, to let go of my anxieties, my issues, my problems. This illness is more than just a phase. I now realise that it is a part of who I am, which really hurts, right down to the core. It brings me to tears, but I must be strong and pick myself up.
I know that I have fought really hard with this and that I have made so much progress, but it is still a learning curve and I still do not know how deep this goes. I have caused so much pain, I feel awful. But, what could I do? continue to fool myself and drift along with all this anxiety and uncertainty? To say to someone that I am fine when in fact I am not 100% reliable? I just could not do that, that is not me and I have always said to myself that I will try and do the right thing in my life. This journey needs to be just me and perhaps I am the only one who understands this.
The realisation that I am not me begs the question of when did this start to happen? It is all so messed up. I am sorry that this post is more of a ramble rather than anything else as I just do not know what to say or write or do.
It is such a travesty that mental illness has hidden in the shadows for so long because I really do now understand why people take their own lives and how it can make someones life a living hell. The way your mind can change completely so much that you question who you are and what your life is, is one of the worst things anyone can experience.
What I do know is that hiding within me, laying dormant is the love, passion and empathy for the natural world that is a part of me and if I were to fail with this battle with my mind then I would be failing all the animals and plants that I hold so close to me.
I promise that the next post will be a little bit more cheerful but I hope this blog is helping others who are in the same position. To admit that you suffer from anxiety/depression is so so hard but is the first step to recovery, the problem is that due to our hectic lives and the pressures on all of us it is becoming far too common
Until next time...
SLQ
I am still amazed at how life can be so unpredictable and such a huge roller coaster. You have not heard from me in a while as I have had no idea how to start to even write what has been happening. My eyes are quickly filling with tears just as I write these first few sentences.
Firstly I was going to write about Wildscreen and how I managed to overcome so much of my anxiety problems and really gave that week all that I could. Secondly, this second blog post was going to be called 'How counselling saved me', if only this was the case.
Things have kinda fallen to pieces, especially in the past couple of weeks and I do not want to say too much but once again I am just me. There has been a realisation within me that I do not have the strength or commitment to give 100%, I just cannot do it at the moment, no matter how hard I try. I have tried so so hard but there is just a part of me that refuses to let go of the past, to let go of my anxieties, my issues, my problems. This illness is more than just a phase. I now realise that it is a part of who I am, which really hurts, right down to the core. It brings me to tears, but I must be strong and pick myself up.
I know that I have fought really hard with this and that I have made so much progress, but it is still a learning curve and I still do not know how deep this goes. I have caused so much pain, I feel awful. But, what could I do? continue to fool myself and drift along with all this anxiety and uncertainty? To say to someone that I am fine when in fact I am not 100% reliable? I just could not do that, that is not me and I have always said to myself that I will try and do the right thing in my life. This journey needs to be just me and perhaps I am the only one who understands this.
The realisation that I am not me begs the question of when did this start to happen? It is all so messed up. I am sorry that this post is more of a ramble rather than anything else as I just do not know what to say or write or do.
It is such a travesty that mental illness has hidden in the shadows for so long because I really do now understand why people take their own lives and how it can make someones life a living hell. The way your mind can change completely so much that you question who you are and what your life is, is one of the worst things anyone can experience.
What I do know is that hiding within me, laying dormant is the love, passion and empathy for the natural world that is a part of me and if I were to fail with this battle with my mind then I would be failing all the animals and plants that I hold so close to me.
I promise that the next post will be a little bit more cheerful but I hope this blog is helping others who are in the same position. To admit that you suffer from anxiety/depression is so so hard but is the first step to recovery, the problem is that due to our hectic lives and the pressures on all of us it is becoming far too common
Until next time...
SLQ
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Wildlife Film Academy - Part III
Welcome to the final part (I promise!) of my trip to Botswana to attend the Wildlife Film Academy.
At the end of the second part I left the story at the point where the action was about to start.
After our 9 days of lectures with many hours spent honing our camera skills we were off to the Khwai River Reserve that was interestingly run by a development trust rather than the government.
Before we left we were warned about how 'wild' the area was and that there were no fences and boy were they right. As we arrived at our camping area during the last few hours of the day it was love at first sight for me. We were in the middle of nowhere with nothing but our tents, vehicles and a bush fire to keep the lions and hyenas away, it was truly brilliant.
The wake up time for the next 5 days was 5.30am so that we were all up and ready to go for sunrise and ready I most certainly was.
Over the next few days we all worked together in the two safari vehicles to tick off the shots on our shot lists. I loved every minute of the filming but I must admit that my first morning of filming did not go to plan as I had a nature overload, meaning all of my shots were too short, shakey and just all over the place. I was not happy at the end of my first day, pretty gutted actually, but I became more focused and it remined myself that I was there to learn. It was a pivitol moment for me as it made me understand what needs to be done to film wildlife and to get those shots that portray nature as we all see it.
The film that I was making was all about the people that work with wildlife and the reason why they have chosen this career. I wanted to give an insight into people that do not seek the limelight but who work tirelessly to protect what they love, which in the end effects us all. This meant gave me the first experience of directing interviews and also getting myself infront of the camera! Which I actually really enjoyed, I love talking and communicating to other people about the natural world.
With the subject of my film I was especially looking for shots that portrayed emotion and honesty, those close up shots that would get a reaction from the viewer but in the end it all came down to the wildlife, my film was really in their hands.
The wildlife did not disappoint with hippos cruising in the water, lions stalking at dusk, vultures stripping carcasses, african wild dog resting in the shade and the most amazing experience of following a Leopard at night whilst she hunted. We really did see everything.
My most memorable experience was the first one that made me and the rest of the group speechless as the 4 of us watched and filmed 6 male elephants cross the river and straight past our vehicle, each one stopping and looking at us as the strolled by. It was an experience of power, strength and real beauty.
At the end of the 5 days I was sad to be saying goodbye to Kwai but promised myself that I would return.We now headed back to Maun to start the final stage, editing.
For the next 9 days we were situated at Colin's farm (our safari guide) to edit our 5 minute films. All of the group worked tirelessly during this time to get our films ready and I was determined to learn as much as I could from our lovely editing teaching Caroline. I had never edited anything before but I took to it like a duck to water and became quite ruthless in ditching shots and editing others, I loved putting all my shots together and contributed to the feeling that this was the career path for me (editing tent is below).
Each editing day consisted of breakfast at 8am, lunch at 1pm and dinner at 7pm with all of our other time taken up on Final Cut Pro in the tent above. I also managed a few Euro 2012 matches at Jurgens house, which I was very grateful for and meant more valuable time for me to absorb extra bits of advice.
All good things must come to an end though and on the final day we all put the final pieces together for our films, which also involved me narrating another film, and then put them to DVD, ready for the screening evening.
That evening one by one all of the films were shown with the general consensus being that these were the best films ever produced by the Film Acdemy. Everyone in the group made the film that they wanted to, each as different as the person who made them, each special in their own right.
I am very proud of the film that I made and I am determined that it will not be the last that I make. I have posted my film on Vimeo, which can be found here:
http://vimeo.com/naturafilms
The Wildlife Film Academy exceeded all my expectations and has shown me that I have the eye and creativity for the film-making industry. The next step for me is to get my ideas together, practice my skills and work towards the one opportunity that I need to get into the industry. I feel like all I need is for someone to give me a chance, a single chance to show what I can do, and then I will be away and nothing will stop me creating a career for myself.
I love the camera work, the editing, the film ideas but my heart is set on presenting/narrating and creating my own wildlife films. Watch this space...
Stephen
At the end of the second part I left the story at the point where the action was about to start.
After our 9 days of lectures with many hours spent honing our camera skills we were off to the Khwai River Reserve that was interestingly run by a development trust rather than the government.
Before we left we were warned about how 'wild' the area was and that there were no fences and boy were they right. As we arrived at our camping area during the last few hours of the day it was love at first sight for me. We were in the middle of nowhere with nothing but our tents, vehicles and a bush fire to keep the lions and hyenas away, it was truly brilliant.
The wake up time for the next 5 days was 5.30am so that we were all up and ready to go for sunrise and ready I most certainly was.
Over the next few days we all worked together in the two safari vehicles to tick off the shots on our shot lists. I loved every minute of the filming but I must admit that my first morning of filming did not go to plan as I had a nature overload, meaning all of my shots were too short, shakey and just all over the place. I was not happy at the end of my first day, pretty gutted actually, but I became more focused and it remined myself that I was there to learn. It was a pivitol moment for me as it made me understand what needs to be done to film wildlife and to get those shots that portray nature as we all see it.
The film that I was making was all about the people that work with wildlife and the reason why they have chosen this career. I wanted to give an insight into people that do not seek the limelight but who work tirelessly to protect what they love, which in the end effects us all. This meant gave me the first experience of directing interviews and also getting myself infront of the camera! Which I actually really enjoyed, I love talking and communicating to other people about the natural world.
With the subject of my film I was especially looking for shots that portrayed emotion and honesty, those close up shots that would get a reaction from the viewer but in the end it all came down to the wildlife, my film was really in their hands.
The wildlife did not disappoint with hippos cruising in the water, lions stalking at dusk, vultures stripping carcasses, african wild dog resting in the shade and the most amazing experience of following a Leopard at night whilst she hunted. We really did see everything.
My most memorable experience was the first one that made me and the rest of the group speechless as the 4 of us watched and filmed 6 male elephants cross the river and straight past our vehicle, each one stopping and looking at us as the strolled by. It was an experience of power, strength and real beauty.
At the end of the 5 days I was sad to be saying goodbye to Kwai but promised myself that I would return.We now headed back to Maun to start the final stage, editing.
For the next 9 days we were situated at Colin's farm (our safari guide) to edit our 5 minute films. All of the group worked tirelessly during this time to get our films ready and I was determined to learn as much as I could from our lovely editing teaching Caroline. I had never edited anything before but I took to it like a duck to water and became quite ruthless in ditching shots and editing others, I loved putting all my shots together and contributed to the feeling that this was the career path for me (editing tent is below).
Each editing day consisted of breakfast at 8am, lunch at 1pm and dinner at 7pm with all of our other time taken up on Final Cut Pro in the tent above. I also managed a few Euro 2012 matches at Jurgens house, which I was very grateful for and meant more valuable time for me to absorb extra bits of advice.
All good things must come to an end though and on the final day we all put the final pieces together for our films, which also involved me narrating another film, and then put them to DVD, ready for the screening evening.
That evening one by one all of the films were shown with the general consensus being that these were the best films ever produced by the Film Acdemy. Everyone in the group made the film that they wanted to, each as different as the person who made them, each special in their own right.
I am very proud of the film that I made and I am determined that it will not be the last that I make. I have posted my film on Vimeo, which can be found here:
http://vimeo.com/naturafilms
The Wildlife Film Academy exceeded all my expectations and has shown me that I have the eye and creativity for the film-making industry. The next step for me is to get my ideas together, practice my skills and work towards the one opportunity that I need to get into the industry. I feel like all I need is for someone to give me a chance, a single chance to show what I can do, and then I will be away and nothing will stop me creating a career for myself.
I love the camera work, the editing, the film ideas but my heart is set on presenting/narrating and creating my own wildlife films. Watch this space...
Stephen
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
The Wildlife Film Academy - Part II
So... the time has now come to write the second and final part of my film academy trip blog. Once again life has caught up with me with 4 weeks passing since my last entry with work and the farm keeping me busy.
Here we go...
...The first night in my tent was an absolute dream and I could not have slept better and as I awoke bright eyed at dawn i still smiled at the sheer size of my tent and the fact that I was sleeping on something that resembled a matress.
It was around 6.30am and had received a lovely wake up call from a lovely local woman who worked for the safari company that was part of the experience. For the next 3 weeks she acted as our housekeeper, something I did not expect. She was an amazing lady, kind, caring and with a large bright smile that was always there.
As I stepped out of my tent I quickly adjusted to my surroundings and had a look around, the main hub of the camp I could just see through the trees where a fire was burning away and breakfast was being prepared buy our lovely hopes. I was a happy man and keen to learn everything I could and get underneath the skin of Africa once again.
The next 9 days followed the same schedule with an early wake up call followed by breakfast around the fire, lectures in the morning, lunch, and then lectures in the afternoon. Once this was finished we had a couple of hours to spare before dinner and then time spent around the fire, which was known as the african television (every night it is a different channel!).
During these 9 days me and the other course participants were put through our paces in areas such as scriptwriting, shot selection, story development, pre-production and how to use a camera and to most importantly treat it like it was your girlfriend (Jurgen's term, not mine!). We were told to sleep with our cameras and to get to know them inside out, but to not get emotional with them. We were here to get the shots and make the best films we could. The pictures to the right and below give you an insight as to what the camp was like.
Some of the highlights of the first camp included analysing previous films, learning about how to get ideas commissioned (a massive plus for me) and having the constant battle with the local troop of monkeys so that we kept our lunch. The two that really stand out however were going for a canoe trip along the hippo channels in the delta and getting to know our teacher Jurgen who was honest, straightforward and pasisonate through and through. If I ever make it on television then it will be partly due to the man whose picture is below (who also looks a bit like Gerald Durrell).
Now i was going to explain the 5 days of filming and 9 days of editing but due to the fact that we basically filmed everything we could have dreamed of (Leopard, Wild Dog, Elephant, Lion, Lioness hunting), plus I almost got charged by an elephant whilst filming. So I am going to extend this part of my blog to a 3rd and final part. Apologies, but I feel like I need to do the filming and editing part justice, especially as my learning curve went through the roof.
Here we go...
...The first night in my tent was an absolute dream and I could not have slept better and as I awoke bright eyed at dawn i still smiled at the sheer size of my tent and the fact that I was sleeping on something that resembled a matress.
It was around 6.30am and had received a lovely wake up call from a lovely local woman who worked for the safari company that was part of the experience. For the next 3 weeks she acted as our housekeeper, something I did not expect. She was an amazing lady, kind, caring and with a large bright smile that was always there.
As I stepped out of my tent I quickly adjusted to my surroundings and had a look around, the main hub of the camp I could just see through the trees where a fire was burning away and breakfast was being prepared buy our lovely hopes. I was a happy man and keen to learn everything I could and get underneath the skin of Africa once again.
The next 9 days followed the same schedule with an early wake up call followed by breakfast around the fire, lectures in the morning, lunch, and then lectures in the afternoon. Once this was finished we had a couple of hours to spare before dinner and then time spent around the fire, which was known as the african television (every night it is a different channel!).
During these 9 days me and the other course participants were put through our paces in areas such as scriptwriting, shot selection, story development, pre-production and how to use a camera and to most importantly treat it like it was your girlfriend (Jurgen's term, not mine!). We were told to sleep with our cameras and to get to know them inside out, but to not get emotional with them. We were here to get the shots and make the best films we could. The pictures to the right and below give you an insight as to what the camp was like.
Some of the highlights of the first camp included analysing previous films, learning about how to get ideas commissioned (a massive plus for me) and having the constant battle with the local troop of monkeys so that we kept our lunch. The two that really stand out however were going for a canoe trip along the hippo channels in the delta and getting to know our teacher Jurgen who was honest, straightforward and pasisonate through and through. If I ever make it on television then it will be partly due to the man whose picture is below (who also looks a bit like Gerald Durrell).Now i was going to explain the 5 days of filming and 9 days of editing but due to the fact that we basically filmed everything we could have dreamed of (Leopard, Wild Dog, Elephant, Lion, Lioness hunting), plus I almost got charged by an elephant whilst filming. So I am going to extend this part of my blog to a 3rd and final part. Apologies, but I feel like I need to do the filming and editing part justice, especially as my learning curve went through the roof.
Monday, June 25, 2012
The Wildlife Film Academy - Part 1
Hi all,
I am currently sitting in my room, the sun is breaking through the clouds outside and the wind is slight and calm. It has been a week since my return from Botswana and the Wildlife Film Academy and now that the dust has cleared and i am more organised it is time to write something about it.
The Wildife Film Academy (WFA) is run by NHU Africa (www.nhuafrica.com) and is a one month intense course designed to give all participants a firm foundation in wildlife film-making and the industry. It is a course i had been wanting to do for over a year but mainly due to work commitments and financial constraints i had to patiently wait until last month to set off.
Ever since i came back from the Meerkat Project my sights have been set on the filmmaking industry, i know that i am clear in my mind as to how i think documentaries should be made, how presenters should present and the stories that need to be told. The main thing though is that i want to know the industry inside out, i am eager to learn. My goals are to present, narrate and make my own films.
For this course the WFA was being run from Maun in Botswana which is the gateway to the Okavango Delta, this meant an 11 hour flight to Johannesburg and then a 3 hour flight to Maun. To be honest i did not mind the flying as i love the independence of it all and i was setting off to do something that i knew i was going to love.
The first point of call was to meet with everyone at Maun at 3pm, the only problem was my flight came in a 12, which meant 3 hours of waiting in an airport i had no clue about, i mean for all i knew it just could have been a shed, but luckily for me it was not. Once we landed the warmth and charm of Africa rushed back to me and i felt like i had returned to my 2nd home. Once in the airpoirt i passed through customs which consisted of two very jolly officials in the smallest wooden compartments i had ever seen that had probably made before i was born. Then the bags were dropped off (i love the simplicty) and i was free to go.
The next step was for me to find a chair, prop up my bags and wait for the cavalry. Being alone in an unknown airport in the middle of nowhere with the African sun outside was a great thrill to me and i enjoyed just looking around and watching the people go about their business. The people of Botswana seemed very laid back and keen to talk to one another. Some chatted in groups while others walked around and calmly got on with their jobs. It was such a change from London and the UK method of doing things.
My wait for companionship though was not long as through a bit of eye contact and a couple of questions i meet one of the other course participants Marli in arrivals and not long after that Khanyo the WFA chief worked calmly through the door. I had a very, very good feeling about him.
From here on in it was all systems go, me and Marli were introduced to the other course participants taking us up to the grand figure of 6 and we then said hello to Jurgen and Tarina our teachers and filmmakers. I cannot really describe easily this amazing couple from Germany, Jurgen has been making films for decades with Tarina and they know the business inside out. What i did not know is that they were the ones who were going to push our films into some of the best ever the academy had produced.
Maun as a town was very much like i expected, a few shopping centres, one main tarmac road, dust everywhere, cars, small metal shacks on the side of the road and people rushing around. Everyone though was polite and friendly and not once did i feel threatened. I flipping loved it.
Our first stop was Camp Tsutsubega Farm, where for 9 days we were going to be taught everything we need to know about the wildlife film-making industry. We were also their to get our films together, learn how to film and handle the camera and to also create our shot lists for filming.
As we drove to the camp we had out first sight of the Delta, which looked magnificent, it had only recently pushed through the town and it was amazing to know that this water had started as storms in Angola and had travelled thousands of miles to where we were.
It took us around 2 hours to go to the first camp and as the sun started to drop i put on my wind breaker jacket and sucked in the clean African air. The drive took us out of Maun and as we drove i made sure i waved to the local people to say hello, who then kindly waved back. Despite the poverty that i witnessed along the way their was always a warm welcome from everyone.
We arrived at camp just as the light faded away. We quickly all grabbed our torches and then went off for a very nice dinner. Once dinner was wolfed down we grabbed our bags and everyone was shown the toilet facilities (long drop!, see picture below), the showers (with Marli, see below) and our tents. I was expecting tent accomodation but what i found was a tent much bigger then expected (see above) with room for all my kit as well as a small washbowl outside so i could brush my teeth. For me this was luxury and i was in my element. I went to bed a very happy man with the reed frogs of the Delta belting out their mating calls and the screeches of monkeys in the trees above. It was great to be back in Africa and i was raring to go...
To be continued...
I am currently sitting in my room, the sun is breaking through the clouds outside and the wind is slight and calm. It has been a week since my return from Botswana and the Wildlife Film Academy and now that the dust has cleared and i am more organised it is time to write something about it.
The Wildife Film Academy (WFA) is run by NHU Africa (www.nhuafrica.com) and is a one month intense course designed to give all participants a firm foundation in wildlife film-making and the industry. It is a course i had been wanting to do for over a year but mainly due to work commitments and financial constraints i had to patiently wait until last month to set off.
Ever since i came back from the Meerkat Project my sights have been set on the filmmaking industry, i know that i am clear in my mind as to how i think documentaries should be made, how presenters should present and the stories that need to be told. The main thing though is that i want to know the industry inside out, i am eager to learn. My goals are to present, narrate and make my own films.
For this course the WFA was being run from Maun in Botswana which is the gateway to the Okavango Delta, this meant an 11 hour flight to Johannesburg and then a 3 hour flight to Maun. To be honest i did not mind the flying as i love the independence of it all and i was setting off to do something that i knew i was going to love.
The first point of call was to meet with everyone at Maun at 3pm, the only problem was my flight came in a 12, which meant 3 hours of waiting in an airport i had no clue about, i mean for all i knew it just could have been a shed, but luckily for me it was not. Once we landed the warmth and charm of Africa rushed back to me and i felt like i had returned to my 2nd home. Once in the airpoirt i passed through customs which consisted of two very jolly officials in the smallest wooden compartments i had ever seen that had probably made before i was born. Then the bags were dropped off (i love the simplicty) and i was free to go.
The next step was for me to find a chair, prop up my bags and wait for the cavalry. Being alone in an unknown airport in the middle of nowhere with the African sun outside was a great thrill to me and i enjoyed just looking around and watching the people go about their business. The people of Botswana seemed very laid back and keen to talk to one another. Some chatted in groups while others walked around and calmly got on with their jobs. It was such a change from London and the UK method of doing things.
My wait for companionship though was not long as through a bit of eye contact and a couple of questions i meet one of the other course participants Marli in arrivals and not long after that Khanyo the WFA chief worked calmly through the door. I had a very, very good feeling about him.
From here on in it was all systems go, me and Marli were introduced to the other course participants taking us up to the grand figure of 6 and we then said hello to Jurgen and Tarina our teachers and filmmakers. I cannot really describe easily this amazing couple from Germany, Jurgen has been making films for decades with Tarina and they know the business inside out. What i did not know is that they were the ones who were going to push our films into some of the best ever the academy had produced.
Maun as a town was very much like i expected, a few shopping centres, one main tarmac road, dust everywhere, cars, small metal shacks on the side of the road and people rushing around. Everyone though was polite and friendly and not once did i feel threatened. I flipping loved it.
Our first stop was Camp Tsutsubega Farm, where for 9 days we were going to be taught everything we need to know about the wildlife film-making industry. We were also their to get our films together, learn how to film and handle the camera and to also create our shot lists for filming.
As we drove to the camp we had out first sight of the Delta, which looked magnificent, it had only recently pushed through the town and it was amazing to know that this water had started as storms in Angola and had travelled thousands of miles to where we were.
It took us around 2 hours to go to the first camp and as the sun started to drop i put on my wind breaker jacket and sucked in the clean African air. The drive took us out of Maun and as we drove i made sure i waved to the local people to say hello, who then kindly waved back. Despite the poverty that i witnessed along the way their was always a warm welcome from everyone.
We arrived at camp just as the light faded away. We quickly all grabbed our torches and then went off for a very nice dinner. Once dinner was wolfed down we grabbed our bags and everyone was shown the toilet facilities (long drop!, see picture below), the showers (with Marli, see below) and our tents. I was expecting tent accomodation but what i found was a tent much bigger then expected (see above) with room for all my kit as well as a small washbowl outside so i could brush my teeth. For me this was luxury and i was in my element. I went to bed a very happy man with the reed frogs of the Delta belting out their mating calls and the screeches of monkeys in the trees above. It was great to be back in Africa and i was raring to go...
To be continued...
Friday, March 30, 2012
Depression: A real illness.
I never envisiged this blog becoming an insight into my mind and problems, i wanted it to document my career, to give advice and to share my experience as i know i am so so lucky to do what i love.
I think the title says it all really, depression is a real illness and i am starting to realise that now. Every day i learn more and more about myself and now i realise that this illness has a huge grip on me and it is simply inexcusable the stigma that it is. The human brain is the most complex and amazing organ that we know of and it makes complete biological sense that it can become ill and distorted. It is something we must take notice of, especially due to how stressful and hectic our lives are becoming.
The realisation that hit me today is that this illness is destroying me bit by bit, taking who i am piece by piece and covering everything in uncertainity, negativity and just general rubbishness (i know that is not a real word). It seems to be taking my life away and everything good within it, which has already included the girl that i love, which breaks my heart.
So the line is drawn here, i need to draw the line here, as i scared what might happen otherwise. It is time to go on anti-depressants and to completely stand up to this battle. It feels as if my life is kind of on hold for this, which sucks. Another thing i am going to do is everyday on twitter is to start the day by saying something positive about the day ahead.
I have a huge passion and desire to become a successful wildlife film-maker and educator, to work for the BBC NHU one day and take over from the great naturalists generals that are Packham and Attenborough (amongst others). That is what i want to do, but at the moment it cannot be my priority as i need to be my priority.
This evening i went for run and promised myself that i would get through this, i also promised every mammal, fish, bird, bug, creepy-crawly and living creature out there who i want to fight for that i will do it for them as well, which gave me strength.
I also hope that this blog is helping other people out there who are going through the same battle as me. It is helping me.
SLQ
I think the title says it all really, depression is a real illness and i am starting to realise that now. Every day i learn more and more about myself and now i realise that this illness has a huge grip on me and it is simply inexcusable the stigma that it is. The human brain is the most complex and amazing organ that we know of and it makes complete biological sense that it can become ill and distorted. It is something we must take notice of, especially due to how stressful and hectic our lives are becoming.
The realisation that hit me today is that this illness is destroying me bit by bit, taking who i am piece by piece and covering everything in uncertainity, negativity and just general rubbishness (i know that is not a real word). It seems to be taking my life away and everything good within it, which has already included the girl that i love, which breaks my heart.
So the line is drawn here, i need to draw the line here, as i scared what might happen otherwise. It is time to go on anti-depressants and to completely stand up to this battle. It feels as if my life is kind of on hold for this, which sucks. Another thing i am going to do is everyday on twitter is to start the day by saying something positive about the day ahead.
I have a huge passion and desire to become a successful wildlife film-maker and educator, to work for the BBC NHU one day and take over from the great naturalists generals that are Packham and Attenborough (amongst others). That is what i want to do, but at the moment it cannot be my priority as i need to be my priority.
This evening i went for run and promised myself that i would get through this, i also promised every mammal, fish, bird, bug, creepy-crawly and living creature out there who i want to fight for that i will do it for them as well, which gave me strength.
I also hope that this blog is helping other people out there who are going through the same battle as me. It is helping me.
SLQ
Monday, February 20, 2012
Trying to unravel depression
Hi all,
This is a blog post that i have been trying to write for a while now but i can never quite come up with the words or the courage to type something out. I really want to describe what i go through when i experience depression/anxiety but the process is harder than i thought it would be.
Today though seems very fitting as i had a counselling session that starts another step in my therapy and i know talking about this will help me and hopefully help others as well.
I do not really how to start, so this might be a bit all over the place!
Ok, so first of all i must say that depression is different for everyone and comes in many different shapes and forms. Scientifically it is all to do with a change in chemicals in the brain and a dominance of negative thoughts, it really is an illness. It changes how you think and perceive everything, from how the world works to what people think of you and makes the very easiest of tasks so much more difficult. As i am going through this journey i can completely understand why people decide to take their own lives,.This might be a huge shock to some people but i have thought about it in the past, not so much now but in my younger years i did wonder about it, although i never went through with it.
When it comes to me i have alot of emotions and feelings from my past that i have never dealt with or confronted, most of which i have explained in a previous post (they include family loss, school bullying, heartbreak) and over the years all of these negative thoughts have twisted how i think and perceive the world. By nature, i am not a depressive person but what seems to happen is that gradually negative thoughts will creep in bit by bit and i do not really deal with them but carry them with me, there then comes a tipping point when something in my brain switches and i break and just cannot deal with it anymore. This happened the other weekend at a friends house, granted i had a bit of alcohol but this just made me more honest and by the end of the night i was crying uncontrollably on the steps, something which i have felt like doing for years but never had the courage to do so. I have lost count the number of times i have wanted to cry and let out my emotions but just kept it inside of me instead. (Feelings though never go away and i think this is the case for everyone).
I just could not handle the thoughts and feelings anymore, all the hate, anger, fear, sorrow, sadness, anxiety and pain all became too much, even writing about it now puts a tear in my eye. This so so bloody hard.
To be honest, i should of just let it all out sooner, many years ago, but i have never taken mental health seriously until now and i just thought that i was weak and that my feelings were normal. I now know this is the exact opposite.
If i were to give any advice it would be to talk, talk, talk, talk and talk some more, to your friends, family, family GP, or just to your pet dog (i used to did this alot and it really helped to organise my thoughts).
The next step for me is a programme of one on one counselling to try and really unwind the feelings that i have and to accept them, which started today. I always thought that the greatest battle i would ever face would be to protect the natural world but i must admit this might just supercede it.
Until next time...
Stephen
This is a blog post that i have been trying to write for a while now but i can never quite come up with the words or the courage to type something out. I really want to describe what i go through when i experience depression/anxiety but the process is harder than i thought it would be.
Today though seems very fitting as i had a counselling session that starts another step in my therapy and i know talking about this will help me and hopefully help others as well.
I do not really how to start, so this might be a bit all over the place!
Ok, so first of all i must say that depression is different for everyone and comes in many different shapes and forms. Scientifically it is all to do with a change in chemicals in the brain and a dominance of negative thoughts, it really is an illness. It changes how you think and perceive everything, from how the world works to what people think of you and makes the very easiest of tasks so much more difficult. As i am going through this journey i can completely understand why people decide to take their own lives,.This might be a huge shock to some people but i have thought about it in the past, not so much now but in my younger years i did wonder about it, although i never went through with it.
When it comes to me i have alot of emotions and feelings from my past that i have never dealt with or confronted, most of which i have explained in a previous post (they include family loss, school bullying, heartbreak) and over the years all of these negative thoughts have twisted how i think and perceive the world. By nature, i am not a depressive person but what seems to happen is that gradually negative thoughts will creep in bit by bit and i do not really deal with them but carry them with me, there then comes a tipping point when something in my brain switches and i break and just cannot deal with it anymore. This happened the other weekend at a friends house, granted i had a bit of alcohol but this just made me more honest and by the end of the night i was crying uncontrollably on the steps, something which i have felt like doing for years but never had the courage to do so. I have lost count the number of times i have wanted to cry and let out my emotions but just kept it inside of me instead. (Feelings though never go away and i think this is the case for everyone).
I just could not handle the thoughts and feelings anymore, all the hate, anger, fear, sorrow, sadness, anxiety and pain all became too much, even writing about it now puts a tear in my eye. This so so bloody hard.
To be honest, i should of just let it all out sooner, many years ago, but i have never taken mental health seriously until now and i just thought that i was weak and that my feelings were normal. I now know this is the exact opposite.
If i were to give any advice it would be to talk, talk, talk, talk and talk some more, to your friends, family, family GP, or just to your pet dog (i used to did this alot and it really helped to organise my thoughts).
The next step for me is a programme of one on one counselling to try and really unwind the feelings that i have and to accept them, which started today. I always thought that the greatest battle i would ever face would be to protect the natural world but i must admit this might just supercede it.
Until next time...
Stephen
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2012: The story will continue (and end apparently!)
Happy new year everyone,
I must start this post with a deep heart felt thank you to everyone who tweeted, emailed and facebooked me in response to my last blog post regarding my current battle with my inner demons. I will put my hand on my heart and say i was not expecting such a huge response from such a fantastic, kind array of people, so thank you.
The December blog post was not just written for me, but i also wanted to help out anyone that is currently going through the same thing. Hopefully i have helped as i tried to be as honest as i could. If any of my friends are struggling then i do hope they know where i am because i am always here to help.
Following on from this as well i have decided that whenever i have a 'down' phase or an 'up' phase then i will try my best to post it on here and describe the feelings and phases, which i will hope will lead to more of an increased level of understanding. This is all still a huge learning curve for me as well as i have only just accepted the battle inside of me that has been happening all these years.
But as the title of the blog suggests i am also here to write about my job, my life and my passion that is all things wildlife and as it is the start of 2012, which according to the Mayans will be our last year (i think the worlds last day is my birthday!) i am going to write down a few thoughts, ramblings and ideas about the year ahead.
Last year i had the goals of kicking on in my job as a wildlife education officer, becoming a forest school leader, passing my karate black belt grading, trekking iceland for charity and becoming a more experienced bird ringer amongst other things. Looking back i am happy to say all were achieved with various levels of success.
This year it is all about wildlife film making and photography, it is what i really want to do and push on towards, something i know inside that i would be great at. I am very determined to give it my best shot and i know i have the key ingredients as i love wildlife, i love music and i have the inner workings to connect the two together. I want to communicate and tell stories and i know the stories that i want to tell.
That means for 2012 this blog will hopefully contain a MASSIVE section on the Wildlife Film Academy based in South Africa, my own wildlife photography assignments, quirky stories about my job educating the general public on all things wildlife and updates on an old family farm in Jersey that i am making wildlife friendly, you could say my own wildlife reserve. although that does sounds like i have money, which is very far from the truth.
Whatever happens this year, it is going to be another busy one, i am just crossing my fingers and toes to make sure the world does not end on my birthday! (21st December 2012).
I do hope that you, the reader, will keep on reading and visiting this blog in the months ahead.
SLQ
I must start this post with a deep heart felt thank you to everyone who tweeted, emailed and facebooked me in response to my last blog post regarding my current battle with my inner demons. I will put my hand on my heart and say i was not expecting such a huge response from such a fantastic, kind array of people, so thank you.
The December blog post was not just written for me, but i also wanted to help out anyone that is currently going through the same thing. Hopefully i have helped as i tried to be as honest as i could. If any of my friends are struggling then i do hope they know where i am because i am always here to help.
Following on from this as well i have decided that whenever i have a 'down' phase or an 'up' phase then i will try my best to post it on here and describe the feelings and phases, which i will hope will lead to more of an increased level of understanding. This is all still a huge learning curve for me as well as i have only just accepted the battle inside of me that has been happening all these years.
But as the title of the blog suggests i am also here to write about my job, my life and my passion that is all things wildlife and as it is the start of 2012, which according to the Mayans will be our last year (i think the worlds last day is my birthday!) i am going to write down a few thoughts, ramblings and ideas about the year ahead.
Last year i had the goals of kicking on in my job as a wildlife education officer, becoming a forest school leader, passing my karate black belt grading, trekking iceland for charity and becoming a more experienced bird ringer amongst other things. Looking back i am happy to say all were achieved with various levels of success.
This year it is all about wildlife film making and photography, it is what i really want to do and push on towards, something i know inside that i would be great at. I am very determined to give it my best shot and i know i have the key ingredients as i love wildlife, i love music and i have the inner workings to connect the two together. I want to communicate and tell stories and i know the stories that i want to tell.
That means for 2012 this blog will hopefully contain a MASSIVE section on the Wildlife Film Academy based in South Africa, my own wildlife photography assignments, quirky stories about my job educating the general public on all things wildlife and updates on an old family farm in Jersey that i am making wildlife friendly, you could say my own wildlife reserve. although that does sounds like i have money, which is very far from the truth.
Whatever happens this year, it is going to be another busy one, i am just crossing my fingers and toes to make sure the world does not end on my birthday! (21st December 2012).
I do hope that you, the reader, will keep on reading and visiting this blog in the months ahead.
SLQ
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